The Defibrillator Toaster
My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”
“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!! NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”
He’s bread, Jim.
Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M
If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast!
“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”
I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS
HES BREAD JIM
“Enchanted River - Phillipines
‘NO ONE HAS EVER REACHED ITS BOTTOM’
Enchanted River is found in the Phillipines. It is called “enchanted” because no one has ever reached its bottom. Many people, including scuba divers have tried reaching for the bottom but have failed, hence the legend of its bottomless pit. Moreover, locals share that NOBODY has been successful in catching the fish in this river, whether by hand or by spear.
They say its bluish color is a result of its depth and the water clarity changes throughout the day. At around 12:00pm, the water becomes clearer and even more majestic.”
This is one of the reasons why I love the Philippines.
my dad and this other guy were fighting over who would go on a date with my mom in high school so they put their forearms together and my mom dropped a lit cigarette in between them and said “first one to pull away loses” and my dad still has a little scar
OMG HE WAS SLEEPING WITH HIS NOSE JUST ABOVE WATER LEVEL
Cookie Dough Ice Cream Pizza
BUY ONE FOR MMMMEEEE!!
So, whoever made this has taught me more in this one pic set than 12 years of grade school, 4 years of college and my ongoing years in law school.
Let’s play ‘were those fireworks or did someone on my street just get shot’
It doesn’t matter if you’re pretty
or have things all over your face,
because what truly matters is
what’s inside you.
this is actually the most meaningful and thoughtful post i have ever seen on tumblr
In case anyone is not having the best of days, remember that this performance of “Halo” exists.
She blows me away every time, omg.
What? You’d like a million of them, you say? Right this way for the full instructions.
9 Cats Stuck in Things
oh my god
this is great